When

I always wanted to stand
and recite my poetry
but

I had no rhythm to my words
no tune to my voice

So, i kept my words
buried in my mind
denied
my third eye

I always wanted to speak some
rhyming words outloud
while folks sat in their seats and
snapped their fingers
finding deep meaning in shallow words

I always wanted to be intense
thoughtful
deep
dot dot ditty dot damn deep

I wanted to flow like Nikki or
to mix rythym with ryhme and
political insight
like Gil

but

i
am me
not really deep
and
I just found out that to be intense
I must find my
third eye

remove the cataract, the veil and clearly focus

on

what is there
where...
there....

So,
when i gain the courage
i'll stand and spit
i'll be down wit it
i'll be hip

maybe i'll even be deep

dot dot ditty dot damn deep....

Journey

This has been a journey
to this place
standing here
face to face

No more protections behind
executive clothes
or
memos

Bare. Naked. Standing here
to recite my words
This has been a journey , for me
to this place

Dropping the image of what
i should be
to show who i am
allowing my words to flow
saying, speaking what is on my mind;
in my mind

What i feel
What i think
taking a stand on my beliefs

No longer worrying about being
politically correct, willing to speak
the truth

This has been a journey
to this place
This has been a journey which
brings me here
to
me

There's No Fucking U in I

I will not tie up my self esteem and self worth in what you think of me.

I know I am a good person. I know that I am an attractive person. I know that I have a sense of humor. I know I am sensitive to the needs of others and I know sometimes I don’t care about their needs.

I know I am loyal. I know I am hardworking. I know how to put others first and I know how to take care of myself. I know how to say yes and I know how to say no. I know when to ask for help and I know how to offer help without being asked. I know I am committed to those things that are right. I know that I am generous. I know I am honest. I know when I am wrong and I know when I am right. I know how to take critical feedback and I know how to be tactful when giving feedback. I know I am smart and I know sometimes I can be downright goofy and simple.

I know I am ethical. I know I am versatile and I know at times I can be rigid. I know how to take control and I know how to let the reigns go. I know sometimes it is best to just back away and I know I don’t always do it when I should. I know I don’t like being controlled and I know sometimes it is inevitable. I know when I have been used and I know when and why I let it happen. I know how to listen and I know when listening is the only thing to do.

I know how to stand up for myself and I know when to stand down. I know I stand up for others sometimes when they don’t deserve it but I know it is the right thing to do.

I know all these things.

So I don’t need u to validate me, or tell me what I can or can’t do.

I know who I am and how to spell I.

There is no fucking u in I.

Lose The Luggage

In a few days we will begin a new year, 2009. Another year to get it all right. A clean slate. For some a new beginning.

Many will make resolutions. Folks will resolve to lose weight, resolve to do better at their job or in school or maybe some will resolve to quit smoking or drinking. But why not make this the year to lose the personal luggage, drop the baggage, stop harboring bad feelings.

The personal luggage/baggage are those things that other folks have dumped off on you and you have accepted or some that you have created for yourself. It is the stress you experience as you try to not let anyone down. I look at folks everyday and I will tell you some look absolutely miserable, brows are knotted, mouths turned down, they walk with a bend in their back and if some of them walk any slower they will come to a complete stop. I can only think that it must be the weight of the baggage they carry. Maybe the baggage is the feeling (or reality) of being drained by their family or friends. Or, maybe it is not being happy with who they are or where they are in this stage of their life. Maybe it is the disagreement they had with their best friend the last time they saw them years ago.

Instead of resolving to go the gym and eat fewer sweets maybe the next few days should be spent looking inside of yourself to determine what will make you a happier person. It can be as simple as not saying yes to every request that comes your way, being a little selfish of your time that everyone else uses so freely. It could be not overextending yourself and not letting people make you feel guilty about it. You know that feeling if I don't do it what will they do. Well, if you don't do it what will they do? They will find another way to get what they need. While you may feel badly for the moment it passes and is a much better feeling in the long run. You don't consciously or subconsciously resent them, you are not stressed about how you are going to meet the commitment and, the one making the request to begin with has found either they can live without what they were asking for or, they have found another way to get it. First piece of baggage left on the curb.

Maybe it is picking up the phone and calling someone that you have been estranged from, at this point it doesn't matter why you had the fight. It probably has come down to who will be the first one to reach out. And, even if you reach out and they don't reciprocate, at least you made the attempt. Another bag left on the curb.

As you go through the process of introspection find the things that weigh you down and one by one unload them. It won't happen all at once, it may take all year. But if you take the time to identify your baggage and then take the small steps to lighten the load you will find yourself laughing more and stressing less. The headaches will start to fade, it will be easier to stick to that new eating behavior, you'll do better in school or on your job and slowly you will become a happier person. Try it. It works, trust me.