Perspective

 I sit here and stare at this blank page. There are so many thoughts in my  head, so much pain in my heart and my soul it is in a state. A state of what I can't really pin point. I have questioned how can Allah allow this to happen and then I see the Palestinian children, women and men with unwavering faith and I have to step back and ask myself who am I to question when the people most affected, most harmed do not. They continue to profess their faith, to call on Allah to know this is not the end for them.  

I cry. I cry because I am so angry, so disgusted, so ashamed and feel so helpless and then I have to step back and ask who am I to have this self pity when the Palestinian children, women and men have only exhibited resilience and strength.  

Tonight as I was cooking dinner I opened a pot and the steam burned my arm and as I held it under cool running water I couldn't help to think of the children I had seen on social media being treated for second and third degree burns with nothing more that salve and gauze.  

Yesterday when I got caught up in my day and realized I had not eaten since breakfast and now it was evening and I had those few pangs of hunger I had to think of those in Gaza not having food or water for days on end and that israeli civilians in all their arrogance blocked aide trucks from entering Gaza to take food and supplies to people that they have been slowly killing.

I see hundreds of thousands around the world that feel and believe as I do, that israel is committing genocide and yet the killing continues. bibi and his army operate with  arrogance and impunity  daring the US to take away support.... and his bitch baby Biden now realizing that "his base" is not supporting his zionist stance is backpedaling but it is all talk, no action. 

I don't get it. I can't make it make sense. How can anyone with a shred of humanity and decency think that the genocide being carried out by israel is justified. 

And then I step back and I listen to the children and their resolve as they state they will not leave their land, that the resistance will protect them, that they have Allah and I do what I can to support and I stand with them and have faith as they do. 

Who are the Terrorist?

 I never thought I would see this in my lifetime.  

I thought as a global community we have witnessed and learned enough to recognize madness when it begins to unfold. 

However here we stand in the midst of madness and I am amazed at the blind eyes, the rationalizations, the lies, the inhumanity that is being played out in-front of us. At the same time I am overwhelmed by how people around the world are calling it out, naming it, and protesting against the genocide that Israel is committing on Palestine with the support of the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and  many other countries. The United States and the United Kingdom  are the primary abettors. Together these countries, these world powers  have begun the annihilation of Palestine, its people, its history, and its culture. Remember, Palestine is the true country here. Equally important is South Africa the country that had the audacity to put Israel in front of the world's International Court.  South Africa the country that fought its way free from apartheid and decades of oppression stood before the world and said never again. Never again will genocide be committed against anyone.

Let me pause here and offer a contextual understanding of the Zionist movement to takeover Palestine. It will blow some of the smoke from the room.  It may seem a little like a history lecture but it is important to understand what led up to October 7,2023 and to do so you need the full backstory.  October 7th was a terrorist attack, that is not disputed however, it was not a random act as some would like you to believe, it erupted from a long and brutal history of violent oppression. The conflict between Palestine and Israel is not a religious issue as some would like to have you believe, it is a colonization issue. It is not complex, in fact it is pretty straightforward. It is an issue of people moving into a country deciding they want to own the land and having no qualms with taking it by any means necessary.  And these means include displacing the original and rightful occupants of that country. And when displacing them doesn't get them what they want when they want it, they move on to attacking the population by bombing their homes and killing the owners by bombing their schools and creating an apartheid state. 

In regard to October 7, retaliation to any attack is expected however it should never ever result in genocide and ethnic cleansing.  The killing of children and women and the elderly is not a defensive response. Carpet bombing the most densely populated strip of land in the world is not a defensive response. Shooting children and unarmed civilian teens and adults is not a defensive response and nor is torturing and wiping out complete families.  

And then you have to pose the question - what of the oppressed?  Shouldn't you expect at some point oppression will be met with resistance. That people want to be able to control and have access to the basic needs of life, that after living under an apartheid state for decades they want equal rights. That they are tired of being bombed and having their homes demolished anytime the occupiers wish to make space for new settlers. Or perhaps tired of being target practice for Israeli forces who brag about how many knees they can shoot out in one day. Or maybe the fact that a Jewish person from anywhere in the world can step foot on "Israeli" soil and immediately have more human and civil rights than you a person born on the land that can trace your family back for generations.  

Why is it when the oppressed rise up they are labeled  terrorist and yet the oppressor carries out the terrorist activities and it is viewed as defense. 

So where did all this start? It started with zionism.

Zionism: a movement for (originally) the establishment and (now) the development and protection of a "Jewish" nation in what is called Israel. The zionist movement was established as a political organization in 1897 under Theodor Herzi, and was later led by Chaim Weizmann.   

Zionism was a Jewish nationalist movement that had its goal as the creation and support of  a Jewish national state in Palestine.  It originated in eastern and central europe in the later half of the 19th century. It roots itself in the connection of the Jewish religion to the historical region of Palestine where in ancient Jerusalem there was a hill called Zion.  Zionism pivoted to politics under Theodor Herzl an Austrian who thought Jews assimilating into western europe wasn't possible due to anti-semitism.  In 1897 Herzl at the first Zionist Congress stated "Zionism strives to create for the Jewish people a home in Palestine secured by public law." When the Ottoman government would not support his request for Palestinian autonomy he turned to the British and, in 1903 the British government offered 6K square miles in Uganda for settlement but the Zionist wanted Palestine and white settlers already in Uganda did not want the zionist.

Herzl died in 1904 and at the time and prior to WWI Zionism represented only a minority of Jews most of them from Russia but led by Austrians and Germans.  Following the failed Russian Revolution in 1905 which resulted in violent attacks on Jews many Russian Jewish youth emigrated to Palestine as pioneer settlers. In 1907 a secret order called Bar Giora was formed to train Jews in combat, build Jewish communities and secure Jewish towns with the ultimate goal to create a defensive Jewish force. By 1914 there were about 90K Jews in Palestine; 13,000 settlers lived in 43 Jewish settlements. Many of the settlements were funded by a French Jewish philanthropist, Baron Edmond de Rothschild.

During WWI political Zionism began to strengthen and now the leadership was Russian Jews living in England. Chaim Weizmann and Nahum Sokolow helped obtain the November 2, 1917 Balfour Declaration from Great Britain. This declaration promised British support for creating a Jewish national home in Palestine and was included in Britain's League of Nations mandate over Palestine in 1922.  In the following years the Zionist built up urban and rural settlements for Jews in Palestine, this solidified Jewish cultural life and Hebrew education in Palestine.  By 1925 the Jewish population had increased to over 100k and by 1933 it was about 238K. 

 All this growth was unsettling for the Arab countries. The Arab population feared that Palestine would eventually become a Jewish state and resultantly they resisted Zionism and the British policy supporting it, this would be known as the Arab Revolt.  The British fought to maintain control in light of the Arab uprisings and the control was extensive from 1936 - 1939.  The British authorities destroyed at least 2000 homes and put 9,000 Palestinians in concentration camps where they were subjected to violent interrogation, including torture. The Brits also deported 200 Palestinian nationalist leaders. At least 10 percent of the Palestinian male population had been killed, wounded, exiled or imprisoned by the end of the revolt.  Britain's intent was to keep the peace between the Zionist and Palestinians in order to retain Arab support against Germany and Italy in WWII.  The British playing both sides of the table placed restrictions on Jewish immigration in 1939 and this action was violently opposed by Zionist underground groups such as the Stern Gang and Irgun Zvai Leumi which in 1944 declared war on Britain for attempting to limit Jewish immigration. These groups which you could categorize as terrorists, committed terrorist acts and assassinations against the British. Ninety one people were killed when the Zionist paramilitary bombed the King David Hotel in 1946 which housed the British administrative headquarters. Subsequently, Zionist lobbyists in London overturned the effort to control the immigration.  

The Holocaust led many Jews to flee to Palestine and also led many Jews especially in the US to begin embracing Zionism. With tensions escalating between the Palestinians and Zionists, Britain looking to rid themselves of the issues, ended its colonization of Palestine and handed over the disaster they created to the UN for a solution. The United Nations on November 29, 1947 proposed creating the UN Partition Plan (Resolution 181) which resulted in  2 separate states the Arab and Jewish states and internationalized Jerusalem. 

At the time, the Jews in Palestine made up about one third of the population and owned less than 6 percent of the total land area. Under the UN partition plan they were allocated 55 percent of the land, encompassing many of the main cities with Palestinian Arab majorities and important coastline from Haifa to Jaffa. The Arab state would be deprived of key agricultural lands and seaports which led the Palestinians to reject the proposal. Shortly after, war broke out between the Palestinian Arabs and Zionist armed groups who had gained extensive training and arms from fighting alongside Britain in WWII. The Zionist paramilitary launched a vicious process of ethnic cleansing in the form of large-scale attacks aimed at the displaced Palestinians. This was the first Nakba (catastrophe). 

British rule of Palestine ended May 14, 1948 and on May 15, 1948 Israel was created and Israel under the first Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion, declared their independence.  Fun Fact: Up to this point you will never see reference to Israel on any world map, it did not exist, you will only see Palestine. 

The creation of [the colony] Israel was violent. and forced the expulsion of hundreds of thousands of Palestinians again from their homeland to establish a Jewish-majority state. Within 6 months From December 1947 to mid-May 1948 Zionist armed groups expelled about 440,000 Palestinians from 220 villages.   Between 1947 and 1949 at least 750,000 Palestinians from 1.9 million population were made refugees beyond the borders of the state. The Zionist had taken more than 78 percent of the historic Palestine, ethnically cleansing the area and destroying over 500 villages and cities and killed 15,000 Palestinians in a series of mass atrocities including more than 70 massacres.   May 15, 1948 is the official day for commemorating the Nakba (catastrophe) but forced displacement by the armed Zionist groups had started much earlier.  There were the following:

The Ballad al-Sheikh massacre on December 31, 1947 killed up to 70 Palestinians.

The Sa' sa' massacre occurred on February 14, 1948 - 16 houses were blown up and 60 people were killed.

The Deir Yassin massacre on April 9, 1948 when about 110 Palestinian men, women and children were slaughtered.    `    

By May 15,1948  half of the total number of Palestinians had already been forcefully expelled from their own country this spanned the Arab-Israeli War of 1948-1949.  By 1949 when the armistice agreements were signed Israel had already taken more land than had been allotted under the UN plan.  Following the Israeli war approximately 800K Palestinians were forced into refugee status as they had been pushed out of their homes and off of their land.

By 1949 Zionist forces had committed about 223 atrocities including massacres, bombings of homes, looting, the destruction of property and wiping out entire villages.  About 150,000 Palestinians remained in areas that became part of Israel of which 30,000-40,000 were displaced internally meaning their homes were taken.

Fifty years after the first Zionist congress and 30 years after the Balfour Declaration the zionist achieved their aim of establishing a Jewish state in Palestine at the expense of the Palestinians. The response to this occupation and illegal seizure of homes and land resulted in hostilities. In the following decades Zionist organizations in many countries continued to raise financial support for Israel and encouraged Jews to immigrate there. Most Jews, however, reject the view espoused by some very Orthodox Jews in Israel who believe that the Jews outside Israel are living in exile and can only live a full life in Israel.

Following the establishment of Israel the Israeli army committed a number of additional massacres and campaigns of forced displacement.  In 1950 the remaining 2,500 Palestinian residents of the Majdal were forced into the Gaza Strip.  Two thousand inhabitants of Beer el-Sabe were expelled to the West Bank and another 2,000 residents of two northern villages were driven into Syria.

The Six Day War which for the second time forced  an exodus of approximately a half million Palestinians out of their homes and their land occurred June 5-10, 1967 when Israel attacked Egypt, Jordan and Syria and ended with Israel occupying the Sinai Peninsula, the Gaza Strip, the West Bank, East Jerusalem and the Golan Heights. The war rose from disputes between Israel and Egypt over the rights of Israeli shipping to pass through the Suez Canal and the Red Sea. Security Council Resolution 242 (1967) was formulated based on the principles of a just and last peace, including withdrawal of Israel from territories occupied in the conflict, which was to a be a just settlement of the refugee problem and termination of all claims. 

Refugee: a person who has been forced to leave their country in order to escape war, persecution or natural disaster.

In 1980 Israel  annexed East Jerusalem and, in 1993, then Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin signed the Oslo Accords, which aimed to achieve peace within five years. It was the first time the two sides recognised each other.

A second agreement in 1995 divided the occupied West Bank into three parts – Area A, B and C. The Palestinian Authority (PLA), which was created in the wake of the Oslo Accords, was offered only limited rule on 18 percent of the land as Israel effectively continued to control the West Bank.

The Oslo Accords slowly broke down due to the continued illegal expansion of Israeli settlements. Israeilis began rapidly building Jewish communities on Palestinian land in the West Bank seizing any properties they wanted.  As a result of this expansion the settlement population in the West Bank and East Jerusalem grew from approximately 250,000 in 1993 to up to 700,000 in 2023. About three million Palestinians live in the occupied West Bank and East Jerusalem but these communities are extremely fragmented. First there is the separation wall which creates a physical separation between the settlers and the Palestinians. The wall restricts movement of the Palestinians; their homes have doors that have been welded shut because they open to streets on which they are not allowed to walk. I watched a documentary a few years ago which showed how Palestinians have to traverse roof tops and windows to get to different areas because they cannot walk on the street. Additionally Palestinians in their daily work commute or errands have to navigate at least 140 checkpoints and another 600 barricades or road obstacles. Getting through these checkpoints can take hours and they are at the mercy of the security forces working these checkpoints. Due to the checkpoints, barricades and the whims of the security forces a commute which should take an hour can take upwards to 7 to 8 hours.  Additionally there are Palestinians that have olive trees that provide their livelihood which they can only access with permission, most of these have now been destroyed uprooted or cutdown by settlers and defense forces. 

In addition to the humiliation faced on a personal level everyday since 2007 when Hamas came to power Israel has imposed a blockade of Gaza controlling almost every life necessity and amenity which determines any population's quality of life. Israel has gone so far as to calculate the minimum caloric intake needed to survive and determined what foods they will allow into Gaza and the frequency of the shipments that can enter Gaza.  In essence Palestinians have been living in an open air prison for the past 17 years.

Which brings us to the  October 7th attack which resulted in the death of 1200 Israelis. Since that day Israel has cut off access to electricity, food, water, fuel, medications, medical supplies and the very basics of life such as sanitary products for menstruating women. It has gotten to the point that people are being operated on without anesthesia, premature infants have no oxygen, and cancer patients have no treatments. It goes on and on.

So here we are, Israel continues their ethnic cleansing plan initiated during the first Nakba in 1948 and they do so with arrogance and impunity aided by the United States' President who swore allegiance to Israel decades ago.  As of this writing 117 days from the start of this assault 26,422 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli forces and bombings; 65,087 civilians have been wounded and an estimated 8,000 lie beneath the rubble. Children and women account for upwards of 70% of those killed  meaning over 11,000 children have been slaughtered and well over 1,000 have suffered amputations and we cannot even begin to assess the mental trauma they have experienced. People all over the world have rallied and protested and made demands for a cease fire and, even after the International Courts have cited that Israel should stop activities that could "lead" to genocide we continue to see the atrocities being committed by the Israeli army in near realtime. We continue to hear the rhetoric of their leadership and settlers dehumanizing the Palestinians and calling for their annihilation. In the meantime a handful of old white men making god like judgements allow this horror to continue.  

We have to pray for justice, vote our conscience, spend our money supporting business that do not support genocide.  We have to continue speaking-up and standing up.  We have to show that as all of this unfolded there were those of us that stood on the right side of history. 

Stop the genocide. Free Palestine. Hold Israel accountable for the atrocities and war crimes they have committed.  Hold Biden and all who support him and his stance accountable for his complicity in this genocide. But most of all for all of those that stood on the sidelines, turned a blind eye and were "neutral" due the complexity of the issue.... I call your bullshit you are complicit. 

And to answer the question who are the terrorist.... they are the Israelis and their well paid, well equipped well trained terrorist army. 

 

 

It Makes Me Physically Ill

I think it is the arrogance and pure evil that has me and I am sure many others, completely off kilter.  The arrogant entitlement of these zionist who no matter where they lay their head, plant their feet or make up their mind that something or someplace is theirs they just take it. They take it mind you by any means necessary. They lie, they steal, they burn, they bomb, they kill, they maim and they do it all in the name of privilege and God. It makes me physically ill. It makes my physically ill to not only understand but witness their inhumanity as these hateful people who indoctrinate their children from birth to work tirelessly to maintain the status quo of white majority, white mindset, and in their mind white supremacy. 

It makes me physically ill.

It makes my physically ill that world powers will stand in solidarity, shoulder to shoulder to ensure these zionists' remain in power.  

Innocent children be damned they will shoot you in the street, bomb you in your home and if they can't  reach you there, they will block your food, your medical care, your water, your electricity, your heat any thing that sustains your life. And when still you rise they will drop white phosphorous on you and burn you to the bone. All so they can maintain the status quo of white majority, white mindset, and in their mind white supremacy.

It make me physically ill.  It makes me physically ill that people around the world raise their voices, stand up and say this is wrong and yet a handful of white men can sit in a room and decide the fate of the world.

It makes me physically ill.

Allah Yusa'iduna

I just don't know where to begin.  When you think as a people we cannot go any lower you come to realize there is yet another level below the bad we are living.  

The world is standing by as Israel commits genocide in Palestine. 

I am not an antisemite. 

I am anti zionist just as 

I am anti nazi, anti white supremacy and just as I am 

anti racist.  

I have taken the time to discern the difference between Judaism and Zionism. 

I have taken the time to understand the difference between the religion which is 3000 years old  and the political movement that is 150 years old and a transformation to nationalism started by non religious Jews capitalizing on the Star of David to take over the land of Palestine and, whose actions and positions conflict directly with the teachings of the Torah. 

Many, who only pay attention to world politics when it is a breaking broadcast by the media,  think this conflict started with an out of the blue terrorist attack in Israel on October 7th. In fact that attack was  simmering for over 76 years as Palestinians have been pushed, shoved and bombed out of their own homes and country.  When Palestinians had their land segmented under colonialism and portioned out to refugees from Europe only to have those refugees decide they deserve all the land and have since 1948 when Israel declared their independence done so by oppressing the Palestinian people. 

This Israeli war on Palestine will set the political tone and actions on this planet for the remaining 76 years of this century.

Allah yusa'iduna

God help us

Silent Complicity

When United States citizens demonstrated they were okay with children being slaughtered in schools, the gun lobby was emboldened, and we have had mass shooting after mass shooting ever since.

When trump became the racist voice of America his believers fell in line and took on the mantle of his demented agenda, an insurrection attempt followed and even now with all his crimes and his documented commitment to ruling as a dictator he is still the republican front runner for president.

When cops in this country realized they can kill Black children, women and men with little to no meaningful consequence, living while Black is officially a health hazard.

When women exercised their voices and chose to control their reproductive rights, the ultra conservative supreme court appointed by trump took those basic human rights away.

When Black folks started voting and showed we can make a difference in outcomes the move to suppress the Black vote and gerrymander voting districts took on a whole new life of their own.

When white folks became uncomfortable with their children learning the racist history that some of them and their ancestors participated in, they have been working tirelessly to rewrite history – slavey was a career development move. And what they can’t rewrite or white wash they work to ban teaching at all levels of education.

When folks took a stand to live their lives as their true selves the conservatives decided the LGBTQ+ community should not have that right and moved to ban treatments, crminalized their sexuality and rolled back their civil rights.

When it appeared that the playing field might eventually become level for non-white folks and women, war was waged on affirmative action and the supreme court took the first step by dismantling affirmative action in the college entrance process even though at least one supreme court justice clearly and directly benefited from the program.

When women and specifically a Black woman took on the leadership roles of "elite" white universities they were dragged before congress on the pre-tense of anti-semitism. And when the Black president of Harvard survived the attack from the rich white conservative whose life mission is to return Black folks “to their place” waged on under the pretense of plagiarism which by the way Harvard had already investigated and cleared her of any wrong doing.... and even the attackers wife a former MIT professor clearly committed and was charged with plagiarism and oh, also had a connection with epstein (he donated $$$ to her lab and she provided him with a sculpture) but that was all money washed and disappeared.....

And when it seemed as a country that we had hit rock bottom and we could not go any lower the United States, Joe Biden specifically who has pledged unwaivering support to zionist israel for decades and even undermined Obama's peace efforts in the region while throwing Hillary under the bus outwardly and singularly is supporting Israel’s genocidal war against the Palestinians. In 90 days beginning October 7, 2023 over 22,000 Palestinians have been slaughtered with upwards of 70% being children and women. This is in response to a terrorist attack that took place that day that killed 1200 Israelis and brought into world view the fact that Palestinians have been living under apartheid and oppression for 76 years. Banned from living and moving freely in their own country.

So. What does this have to do with Black and Brown people in this country (US)? Do you say it is not our business, it is a Middle-Eastern thing. It is not anything that will ever happen here, not in this day and time.

Sit with this for a moment.

Think through what was done to the indigenous folks in this country, diminishing their tribal land rights, sovereignty, and having a say in land and resource issues. The same country enslaved Africans to build their country and economy and dehumanized them every chance they had, treating Black human life like chattle. From post Civil War to the 1950s over 100 thriving Black communities in this country were burned to the ground simply for existing and their Black citizens prospering. Once the communities were destroyed their land was illegally appropriated by white folks. 4400 Black folks, men, women and children were lynched in that same period.

Do you see what has happened each time the envelope has been pushed and the morality and humanity is tested... Once they see how far they can go they push to the next level.

Once the genocide in Palestine is accepted and normalized folks supporting these actions will again be emboldened and, if you are a person of color or an ally in this country and you sit in silence as the US supports unencumbered genocide you are complicit in allowing the newest foundation to be set for what these same folks want to carry out here... Next...

Taking Stock

 I am blessed. I have completed 67 revolutions around the sun and God willing I will begin my 68th shorty like literally in 45 mins.  The weird thing is I can still remember turning 16 when getting to my present age wasn't even a thought. This is not one of those let me go back and relive those years with everything I know now moments, those years remain intact and unchanged they were meant to be.  All the years from then to now have formed me and I like who I am. 

I thank God for every adventure, misadventure, unexpected venture and disastrous adventure, I thank Him for every success and every failure and all the ups and downs.  Oh the lessons I have learned. I used to believe that saying "youth is wasted on the young" but youth is exactly what it is supposed to be its own special social experiment. And now, at this age, I have the benefit of understanding somethings you can only get away with when you are young, probably because at that age you are either too naive or too oblivious to have things hit you the way they do as an adult.  As a kid and young adult I never really over thought what may or may not matter but then in my 30's and 40's I was consequence centered stuck on the what ifs.  My 50's were my politically correct era but as I ventured out, experienced my fake single years, lived in different states meeting different folks it all started to clear up for me and when I hit 60 I finally got to the I really don't give a fuck stage of my life.  Don't get me wrong I still care deeply about humanity, treating people well, equality and fairness and all those things but I was finally comfortable enough to do it authentically. The authenticity meant no more code switching, no more dressing a certain way or wearing my hair a certain way because it was expected, no more toeing the line to keep things smooth or thinking/rethinking how to make a statement as to not appear as the angry black woman or aggressive or ghetto. Getting to that point was liberating and I regained some of that youthful just do it or, better yet don't, attitude.  I am just sorry it took so long to reach that point but happy that I got there before leaving the c-suite and the board rooms so the young women of color that I supported and mentored could see it and experience it.  

Physically, mentally and spiritually I am in a good place. I am comfortable and don't feel the need or desire to please folks.  It is not my job to make you feel good. Folks really do need to do that for themselves.  I am who I am and I am  happy, pleased and thankful to begin my 68th revolution around the sun.

Peace.

November 3, 2015- January 6, 2020

 I went to a funeral once where the person while eulogizing the decedent stated their year of birth and their year of death and emphasized  all the living is in the hyphen.  When you look back to the presidential election which took place on November 3, 2015 which elected donald trump as the 45th president and look at where we are now as a nation, as a people, as human beings, all the destruction is in the hyphen.

donald trump ran his campaign and presidency baiting the base hatreds, fears, evils and prejudices of citizens (majority white folks) that felt maligned by the country and its government. White folks that felt like Blacks and immigrants were getting too big for their britches and as as result putting their (white) way of life at risk. Data shows that white folks will in the coming decades be the minority.  I believe their biggest fear is that as a minority they may be subjected to the behaviors that perhaps they exhibited when they thought all was right in the world and white folks ruled. Leading up to November 3, 2015 and for the four years following the United States of America saw rises in hate crimes, white folks who have apparently for years harbored these prejudices and hates were emboldened to display them every time an opportunity whether real or fabricated presented itself. Why? because the person in the White Hose spewed the same rhetoric. he brought voice and validation to what they always believed to be true, that if you are not white you are not right but rather lessor than. They wanted to "Make America Great Again".  One can only assume this meant the return to the pre-civil rights era.  A return to a time when white folks were unquestioned in anything they did. When blacks and browns and immigrants were overtly  disadvantaged, redlined, red circled, discrimintated against, kept out of housing, education, medical care, access to financing, good jobs all the things that are supposed to be the American dream.  A dream not always available to everyone.

The neo-nazi, white supremacist found a leader that "legitimatized" them.  They had to be legit, he was the president and he supported their views.  And with that it became open season on any non-white folks, non-european immigrants, queer folks and other white folks that didn't and don't share their beliefs and ideologies. 

This hyphen represents for me some of the darkest times in America.  

During this period it became open season on Black men, women and children.  The killings carried out by the very folks hired to protect the community.  Cops killed Black men and boys for just the mere fact that they were Black. The killings that brought this all to a head were George Floyd and Breonna Taylor.  George Floyd who was executed on national tv.  

There were scores ahead of him. And each time the victim was demonized, marginalized or criminalized all for the purpose of  rationalizing of the actions of the cops and the downplay of the severity of the killing epidemic. Social media was flooded with videos of white folks fighting with cops, pulling their weapons, stealing their cars and living to screw up another day. In contrast social media was also flooded with black men and women being pulled from their cars for traffic violations and being tased, and beaten and shot while cops yelled stop resisting to handcuffed folks that were either not moving or dead.  It became evident that Black Lives didn't Matter in this country and after Ferguson and Baltimore and other cities around the country that began to see the outright attack on the black community, the Black Lives Matter organization grew.  It was met with All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter all again looking to minimize and rationalize and discredit what was happening to people of color in this country.  But when a white cop put his knee to the neck of a black man laying on the ground, hands cuffed behind his back posing no threat and the cop kept his knee there on that mans neck for 7 minutes executing him on national tv it was the capping moment. Only to be followed by a group of white cops showing up at the home of a black woman Breonna Taylor and shooting her in her own own home. The attack was based on a no knock warrant looking for a person already in custody who did not reside at the home. And those cops walked away unscathed. There were so many other incidents before and many many after -folks accosted, brutalized, killed for jogging while Black, driving while Black, sleeping while Black, working while Black...Living Black. The summer of 2019 was filled with protest that were peaceful in nature but in some situations erupted into violence. There was rioting and looting. While that behavior was not the majority of activity that occurred it was what was primarily focused on.  What didn't get as much scrutiny were the infiltrators that started much of the violence. BLM was then labeled by trump  as a terrorist group while he referred to neo-nazis that killed a person in Charlotte as "very fine people".  trumps pied piper affect on his followers would keep this country in crisis from November 3, 2015 until January 6,2020 when his followers at his behest staged an insurrection, an all out attempt to overturn the 2020 election results which ousted trump from office.   

As I write I understand this is so high level it doesn't do justice to the full gravity of the situation and environment in which we had been living. It was 4 years of terror. 

Level Setting

 I am an inconsistent writer. 

I could point to many reasons but, why bother it is a fact and I own it.  

I will say this however, the election results in 2016 knocked the wind out of me; that election laid me flat, and all my energy went to making it through the next four years.  That fateful election night around 11 pm I went to sleep  hoping and praying Hilary would pull it out.  Then, 3 am the next morning my phone rang, it was my daughter fighting hard not to go into an all out panic attack. Her anxiety was at 9.99. trump had won, he would be the next president and, for a moment time stood still. In an instant the world changed.  

The day following the election I sat in my office with a co-worker; we cried. We cried because we were old enough to remember what life was like in the 40's, 50' and 60's. We are close enough to remember what life was like for people of color in this country under the laws of segregation and Jim Crow.  We knew the civility that folks seemed to practice even if they didn't believe in it would become the anomaly.  

trump during his campaign unleashed an emboldened form of hate that was not only accepted but hailed. As a result of his ignorant rhetoric, political positions and baseless lies as well as  his base supporters and their beliefs words like misogyny, xenophobia, racist/racism, sexism and neo-nazi would become part of our every day vocabulary. Our world and our politics which were by no means perfect leading to this moment and at times were polarizing were manageable. And managing in such an environment was not exactly the best of worlds but it was a landscape that was familiar and could be navigated. 

The top would be blown off this country and, for as much hate as we faced, there was a fire being lit. Activism was being (re) ignited. And amid all the turmoil of  unarmed Black men and women being killed in the streets Black Lives Matters strengthend and grew and folks of color would decide we didn't want the old "normal". We would no longer except the status-quo of working twice as hard for half as much.  Sorry but we will no longer be sorry.  While neo-nazi militia groups were growing and by Homeland Security standards would become the biggest threat to the United States outweighing the Taliban, people of color, LGBTQ+. women and our allies would organize forming and raising voices and votes.  A new type of politician would gain traction  and "The Squad"  would emerge.  Four congresswomen Reps. Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, Ayanna Pressley along with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would prove to be a force on the Hill.  Stacy Abrams would become synonymous with voter rights and,women of color through Ms Abrams' leadership and tenacity would literally change long held political seats from red to blue.

Within days of that election being called when donald trump was elevated to the highest position of power and leadership in our country and the world, you could feel the air shift and not for the better.  

Over the next 4 years we would be rudderless. More to come.

Life Practices at 60+

When I was about to turn 40 there was an article in ESSENCE magazine which outlined the 40 things a woman should experience or own by the time she turns 40. Then came along the movie The Bucket List which again was about listing out those things that you should do before you get too old, too broke or too consumed to experience. So, now that I am getting closer to 70 than 60, and have (so far)survived the coronavirus pandemic my priorities have changed. And, as we have all come to realize tomorrow is not promised it means living in the moment, being present and actually experieincing the experience. So,  I no longer look to check off a  40 by 40 list  or a bucket list but i have a few life practices that I try to incorporate into my every day life....

1.  Embrace retirement;

2.  Take care of my health - physical, spirtitual and mental

3.  Love on my family

4.  Practice my yoga and meditation

5.  Declutter my closet, drawers and home

6.  Watch a movie I can watch over and over and still find funny 

7.  Watch a movie I can watch over and over and still cry at the sad parts

8.  Find my happy place and go there often

9.  Sunday dinners with the family

10.A warm and welcoming home

Looking Down the Barrel

 It is Janary 29, 2021 at 1:50 AM EST and I cannot sleep.  The stuff tumbling in my head just won't let me... so here i am looking at the only option that may get me a good nights sleep. Brain dump....

I am perplexed by where we are as a country, we are looking down the barrel of calamity and the folks that should know better are the ones with their finger on the trigger.

We are not a perfect country. We are far from perfection and that is obvious not only via the inequities that we have been governed under that have roots far before this country was even "established". Roots that would determine power structures and hierarchies and lay the ground work for how non white people would be treated in this world regardless of the country they were in, even if they were the native inhabitants of that country.  But, here we are January 2021... 

The United States has been the role model for democracy in the world. We have been that social experiment that other countries look to either directly or indirectly to determine how they wish to rule or govern.  We have served as that comparative point as countries have struggled with Democracy, Monarchy or Dictatorship rule. We have been the underlying force or the catalyst in some of these countries as they have fought through the process of modeling their governments.  And at the end of the day love us or hate us these countries look in some way to US to understand the possibilities of what may be. Today, you have to question what kind of example are we.  

Let's do a movie flashback - four year earlier.  The United States and the world are stunned to learn that Hilary Clinton lost the election.  Although winning the popular vote by a spread of more than 4 million she lost on the basis of our electoral college a voting representation created to appease slaveholders following the civil war which would place the power of determining the presidency squarely in the hands of primarily southern states regardless of their population. There was a lot going on with that 2016 election - the Russians, probably the only ones not surprised by the outcome,  had a strong influence in our electoral process. But at the end of the day we accepted our fate and oh what a fate it was - 4 years of chaos, lies, swindling, hypocrisy and baiting the most basic and divisive elements of our society. The elements of race misogyny, and xenophobia to name just a few,   We watched as our federal courts even at the highest level got stacked with judges that would continue to push for the status quo of racial inequality, gender bias, and maintaining a social and economic framework that would keep white men in power.  So much there to unpack.  

Move the timeline forward November 3, 2020 election day... so much activity leading up to this day.  The turnout was historic - 62% of the voting population exercised their right to vote. Over 156,000,000 votes were cast. The most ever votes for a sitting president of 74 million but he was beat. He was beat by Joe Biden who garnered 81 million votes or 51.3% of all votes cast translating to an electoral win of  306 votes to trumps 232.  This in trumps own words represents a "landslide victory" as this is the margin that he won the electoral college by in 2016.   The race was too close to call on election night and counts and recounts took over a week and Biden was finally called President- elect. Oh and not to mention that Biden has a Female Vice President who is also a woman of color - Black and Indian.  With all of this trump refused to concede and began his tantrum touting the election was rigged, no way could he have lost and, the inciting begins. 

The remaining part of November and December 2020 see no less than 60 challenges of the election taken to court by trump and his team.  The challenges are with either withdrawn or thrown out... all this talk of fraud and the election being stolen and no data, no examples, nothing provided to substantiate any of these claims. But yet, trump and his base continue to challenge... and this goes all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States and gets thrown out... but still he holds tight... it was a steal. And now there are congress people and senators refusing to accept the results of the election that trump's own people said was the most secure election in our history.  Did I mention this is all in the midst of a pandemic where at this point over 300,000 people have died from Covid-19.... yeah that has been going on since March 2020. And, our economy was tanking, folks out of work and support resources slow and trump and his team creating a full cluster around relief and prevention and vaccines being rolled out.  Food lines are as normal as covid testing lines.  

January 6th. A day that will now rank in history with events such as  D-Day, Pearl Harbor, 9/11.  This was the day a coup was attempted in the United States of America. A true seditious insurrection.  January 6th is the day that the electoral votes are ceremoniously presented to Congress and Senate and the winner of the presidential election is formally and finally validated which then culminates with the inauguration on January 20th.   This day started with a "Stop the Steal" campaign like event headed by trump and his cronies. Calling on his thousands of supporters who had flooded into Washington DC to storm the Capitol and keep him in power.  It was horrible. It was seditious.  He had militia, he had neo-nazi's, he had proud boys.  These rioting thugs carried the trump flag higher than the American flag their mission to overthrow the government to keep their leader in place. People died this day.  Hundreds were injured the majority of them law enforcement... so apparently from a group that lived by the motto "blue lives matter" they demonstrated that only holds if the blue lives work with them not to stop them. One police officer was killed, bludgeoned to death with a fire extinguisher, others were beat and stabbed - one was stabbed with an American flag pole. This was horrible and played out on the world stage for all to see televised around the world. Here this country which is the role model for democracy was under siege and that siege was led by the sitting president and supported in the legislative body by some members of Congress and some in the Senate. Shame on US. 

And as horrible as that is here is the most harrowing piece of this.... now that a new president is at the reigns our Republican representatives want to sweep this under the rug.  Let bygones be bygones. Did I mention that 99.9% of the rioters/insurrectionist where white folks.  The insurrection failed so, what the heck just move forward. Before Biden was inaugurated Congress voted to impeach trump for his acts of treason and because of the tight timeline an impeachment trial could not occur until he was out of office. Since trump  is now  out of office many Republicans are saying oh well let's move on and suggesting Democrats are being divisive by keeping this going.  This from the party that bitch slapped Democrats for 4 years while acting as a barrier to anything that would move the country forward.

So, current day here we are staring down that barrel of calamity.  What is the precedent this country is willing to set.  Insurrection only counts if it is successful?  That you can be a complete criminal in office and once you are out of office we just move on, no accountability.  Does that mean that folks that commit crimes against humanity once out of power are no longer responsible for their crimes.  How many years did we hunt down war criminals after WWII, after the genocide in Rwanda? Are we saying because those events are long over folks are no longer accountable. We had a sitting president who for his own egotistical and greedy reasons was willing to topple our government. Willing to teardown the country. Tear up the Constitution so, he could stay in power a job that he really didn't want as demonstrated by his last 30 days of office being in hiding.  At the end of the day we all know this was about his ability to say "look how great i was, people were willing to overthrow the government because I was so great". And worse yet we have people still sitting in seats of power defying the oath they took and still calling the election a fraud.   We are a hot mess. And, if we don't get our shit together we will continue to be a mess. trump, some of his cronies, some congress people and some senators broke the law. They committed crimes which put our democracy at risk.  They must be held accountable.

Accountability is key.  Those in power who incited, supported, planned and helped execute this insurrection should be brought to face the charges and the consequences.  The so called leaders that want to look the other way need to do the job they were elected to do and protect the constitution and thereby protect the citizens so we can continue with this social experiment and push for all to have access to the  aspects of this country that have been so elusive for so many for so long.

Good night. 

The Virus

 

In March of 2020 I started writing this blog, we were just going into lockdown.  I was living and working in Baltimore at the time and thought being locked in alone would be the perfect time to pick my writing back up.  But even in the middle of a pandemic while being locked down life or sometimes the lack there of can get in the way.   This is what I started with....
The world is experiencing a pandemic.  It is a coronavirus.  It is a "novel" virus meaning it has not been seen before.  It has been tagged Covid-19. The first inklings of a new virus was sometitme in the December/January timeframe.  It is spread from person-to-person.

• Between people who are in close contact with one another (within about 6 feet).
• Through respiratory droplets produced when an infected person coughs or sneezes
• These droplets can land in the mouths or noses of people who are nearby or possibly be inhaled into the lungs.

And, that is where i stopped. 

Fast Forward to January 2021.  We are now nearly a year into this pandemic. As of this writing 86M folks world wide have been infected 21M of those infected are in the United States and, of that 21M nearly 400K have died. The US accounts for nearly 25% of the cases worldwide. The virus has affected the black and brown community more severely than the white community. The current administration is directly responsible for the rampant spread and related deaths.  The president, it pains me to even write his name, first ignored the information provided, then downplayed it, then hog tied our leading scientist and medical leaders, then politicized the number one prevention - wearing a mask to the point where his followers stormed state houses and local governments whining about their civil rights being infringed upon to the point that the virus has now run rampant across our country.  We got a first hand view of selfish behavior by those entitled and emboldened by the dumbest individual ever elected to high office.  We watched our economy tank, our education system having to reinvent how to teach remotely, small businesses being shuttered and food lines that had not been seen in this magnitude since the great depression. Our health care system has been taken to brink of collapse with hospitals running out of bed, field hospitals being errected. Nursing homes are a death sentence for their residents, if the virus breached a nursing home the results are catastropich. Depression and other mental health issues have been exasperated due to isolation and domestic abuse rose as folks were forced into close quarters for extended periods without relief. 

As other nations around the world are taking actions to protect and support their citizens the "leaders" in this country looked to an asshole for direction and got shit as a result.

What the pandemic has shown us, what those of us in the Black community have always known, is that there are serious inequities in healthcare, both access and delivery, all based in race.  Black and brown folks die from the virus 3 to 4 times more often than their white counterparts.

Essential employees are the folks that most of you walk past and don't even acknowledge such as sanitation workers, grocery store workers, postal workers, food service workers, janitorial staff, transportation folks, first responders, and teachers. The invisible workers that you don't think about but they are always there and most not even making liveable wages and yet, we found we can't function without them. And let's never forget our front line clinicians and hospital workers who have tirelessly held the line working in war zone like environments and all they ask is that you wear a mask, take precautions and act responsibly. But, some many of our citizens are oppositional to the very activity which is no swear off anyone's back that spread continues seemingly unimpeded.  At one point cold storage trucks were rolling into cities to handle the dead as morgues and funeral homes could not handle the volumes. 

The Corona Virus - Covid 19 is a great summation of what the past 4 years in this country have been - a shit show.  

In November 2020 the asshole was voted out and in December the first vaccine was approved for distribution in the US.  Another cluster.  Of the 25M doses available in this country only 5M have been distributed at this point. Again the fuckery of an administration that can't strategize or execute on a plan for exiting  through an open door let alone moving the vaccine to every state. 

People still refuse to wear a mask and continue to attend large gatherings and super spreader events - the White House hosted at least 4 such events infecting staff, politicians, secret service and anyone else that attended either by choice or requirement (employment). 

Many of us have experienced a loss due to someone dying from the virus either directly or indirectly and yet there is fear over receiving the vaccine primarily because folks are concerned that the government had too much say in what was or wasn't done around development so the trust level is low. 

I wear my mask, limit my interactions and trips outside the house and will get the vaccine when it is available. And, I pray. 

Hoping to reach a point of "post covid".

Coronavirus Thoughts

 

Unprecedented, uncharted, unnerving, scary, challenging, hard, these are all words that come to mind as we discuss what we are experiencing through this pandemic and they are all accurate. There is angst and anxiety but the most powerful part of this process is the opportunity. The opportunity to assess what is essential in our lives, what is important for our families, new ways to interact and old ways to connect. There is an opportunity to think about how we approach education, how we work and where we work, how we go about our day to day lives and to reconnect to the basics of living and family. Hopefully folks who are with their families are actually having family meals, sharing family stories, getting to know each other like really know our spouses, our children, our siblings our grandparents. That we are taking advantage of these moments to actually look in their eyes and see their souls and feel their spirit. Taking the time to hear their dreams planned or past, their loves and their worries. Most of all through social distancing we are learning how to communicate with our community. I know it sounds like an oxymoron but here is the thing, the thing uniting our communities and our families is something that can truly hurt us if we don't unite. It is not specific to a political party or a race, creed, gender, socio economic group. It doesn't care if you are a movie star, clinician or store clerk; straight or gay. It doesn't care what continent you come from. It does not discriminate. And that factor is the thread that weaves through all of us. Giving us all something that connects us from the most granular level to the broadest level. And, what has been made clear by this common factor is If we don't commit to each other by staying in place, If we don't commit to (well basic) hygiene like washing your hands, taking your shoes off when you come in the house, giving people their personal space it will get the best of us. All this to say there are many layers of silver linings in this black cloud. Find yours. Grab on to it and nurture it. The biggest waste would be us not learning anything or changing anything as a result of this crisis. 
In the words of our elders - wash your hands, don't pick your nose, wipe your feet and by all means keep your hands out your face. Stay safe people. I know we can do this. KWE.

Why I am Wakandan...

I have never been a comic book fan, never one to follow superheros or villains;  not Superman, not Wonder Woman, Aquaman, SilverSurfer, Batman or Spiderman.  In fact I probably just created some major mistake by mixing characters from Marvel and DC comics.

So,  how did I get caught up in Black Panther. The Marvel Super Hero,  an African King from the mythical African country of Wakanda?  I am caught up and enamored not just by the fact that this movie, by all accounts a blockbuster, is based on our black people but it is the best representation of black folks and our culture ever to be reflected on the big screen.  Yes I did say our culture and yes I  do cross my arms across my chest and greet folks with the Wakanda Forever greeting. Corny? No. Let me explain why.

I have refused to complete an ancestry DNA test for a number of reasons,  one being I just don't want my DNA sitting in some national registry but secondly I am afraid of what I may learn.  That maybe my origins, my DNA doesn't trace back cleanly to Africa. Now with Black Panther  I feel like I don't need it because I have found my tribe.  I am Wakandan.  Think about it, as Black folks in America our lineage is muddled we are a mix of the African continent.  Our ancestors were thrown together, the kings and queens, farmers and artisans, the mothers and fathers and sons and daughters brought to America and named slaves came from many nations on the great African Continent.  In this country we became a blend of all African nations.

When T'Challa  appears at Warrior Falls and you look up and see all those beautiful black people in the vibrant colors and native dress representing the nations and you understand that there is something taken from every African Tribe and country reflected in their dress, that it is a blend of culture it resonated with me. These are my people.  This is my tribe.  As a Wakandan I know that we are not just one but many.  I understand and recognize that we are intellectuals, we are warriors, we are fathers, mothers and aunties. And, in this movie in this mythical country all of this is captured and reflected.

I look at my  family of warrior women, women of science and academia, men who are regal and intellectual and also warriors and I see my family in Wakanda.  I think every Black family has a T'Challa and Killmonger, maybe not to those extremes but you know the smooth and the rough.  So, while it may seem silly to get caught up in a comic book character who is king of a mythical country what those outside of black culture may not understand is that the film directed by Ryan Coogler, who co-wrote the screenplay with Joe Robert Cole captures not only the black family dynamic such as the relationship between brother and sister but also how we have those deep family secrets like why cousin Sissy was sent south when she was little and who her daddy really is or Crazy Uncle Larry and what sent him "over the edge" so to speak.

The other thing that moved me about this movie was the acceptance and co-signing of black folks all over the world. That support not only made it feel good it made it feel very right and adds credence to the fact that this movie is a solidifying force in bringing us closer together as a people.  Kudos to Coogler and Cole again for respecting our African culture, brothers and sisters by paying homage to their culture, tradition and beauty and introducing it to us in a way that is unifying and uplifting at the same time.

So I say with all sincerity that I no longer feel part of a lost tribe.  While I have always respected my African roots i never really felt connected because I couldn't point to a country, people or tribe and say yes I can trace my roots to them. And even though Wakanda is a mythical land it holds all the beauty, culture, history, innovation, hopefulness, morality, ethics and intellect that we represent as a people and that exist across the African Continent and in Black America.  Coogler and Cole and all of the actors and actresses these beautiful people of color just connected the dots brought it to life in a spectacular visual, making it easy for us to see and appreciate. Thank you for showing me home.

This is why I am Wakandan. Wakanda Forever.

Yes, We Are Entitled...

Yes,  We Are Entitled...

Let's talk about the term [government] entitlement. The term as defined by Webster says:1 a : the state or condition of being entitled : a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract.  2 : a government program providing benefits to members of a specified group; also : funds supporting or distributed by such a program....

The Social Security Act was signed into law in 1935 following the great depression as a "social insurance" to ensure working citizens would have a guaranteed income post retirement. I guess we could say this is the "contract" working folks contribute to social security funding the program for current and future beneficiaries or as stated in the definition a "specified group". As each generation has contributed we believed that we are supporting the current generation of recipients and the next generation would fund us.

Medicare is a program funded by the people for the people and is currently funded until 2028. According to the Social Security Administration in 2015, $795 billion (85 percent) of total Old-Age and Survivors Insurance and Disability Insurance income came from payroll taxes. The remainder was provided by interest earnings ($93 billion or 10 percent) and revenue from taxation of OASDI benefits ($32 billion or 3 percent), and $325 million in reimbursements from the General Fund of the Treasury - most resulting from the 2012 payroll tax legislation. It is not the right of Congress to put this program at risk. If in fact the question is to turn SS/Medicare over to private investors it should be a ballot question determined by the popular vote.

Do Republicans cause economic depression and if so should a Repbulican "business man president" who has claimed bankruptcy multiple times to bail himself out of financial trouble have the right to make decisions that effect all of us well beyond any term he may serve. You can certainly believe if  Paul Ryan and his cronies are looking to move this program to the control of Wall Street it is because one they have no dependency on these services because they are guaranteed a pension and health insurance or, somehow their pockets are getting padded.  Remember people, we are again in a full Republican cycle meaning Republican administration, Republican controlled House and Senate.  Each time this has occurred our economy and society has been decimated. Not unlike the long period of Republican dominance leading up to the 1929 Depression, the Republicans controlled or at least dominated Congress and the Senate from 1995-2007 leading to debt in the trillions, the loss of homes, and sky rocketing unemployment.

Some dates and events to remember, each was preceded by a decade of Republican control.

• 1907-1908 Banking Panic  
• 1922-1923 Recession 
• 1929-1933 Great Depression
• 2007-2008 Economic and Housing Crash  

So to restate, we are back in a cycle of full Republican control - the Presidency, the House and the Senate and, with their track record do we really want our Social Security/Medicare "entitlement" shifted to the private sector just in time for the Republicans to send us into yet another tailspin and risk losing what is for some senior citizens their only source of income post retirement.

Social Security was implemented to prevent our working class from becoming destitute.  Protect the future of our workers and do not allow this administration to put our "entitlement" at risk.

My Summers at the Nile...

As a youngster growing up in Yeadon some of my fondest memories are of the summers spent at our swim club - The Nile. The Nile was the first privately owned black swim club in the country and was built in response to our parent's inability to join the all white Yeadon Swim Club.  When the membership applications of black residents submitted to the Yeadon Swim Club were repeatedly denied, lost or put on the endless waiting list the black residents responded to the not so veiled discrimination by investing their dollars buying a parcel of land in "our section" and constructing a membership based swim club. And, although in the early years only the black folks joined our swim club the Nile did not discriminate.

The Nile was our summer vacation spot.  When we were little our dads went off to work and our moms would pack us up and we would spend the summer days at the pool.  While we ran, played and swam our moms participated in bridge and pinochle games and tournaments, soaked in the sun and caught up on the neighborhood news.  After swim lessons we kids would play and swim well into the night. Once the sun went down the teenagers would take over the pavilion.  The yellow lights created an atmosphere better than any basement party. The juke box played endlessly; after all a quarter bought you five songs.  I remember watching my older sister and her friends dance in perfect time displaying the moves and steps that they had worked on all week in our living room.  I couldn't wait until it was my turn to select the songs and bust the moves.

As we got older the summers for the most part were pretty much the same, we became the older kids and many of our moms started to work outside the home.  The Nile was our place.

I remember a special time that always seemed to occur around mid-August. There are those few days in August when the Canadian air makes its way to the east coast. When this happens the air feels a little crisper, the water in the pool is just a little colder and you reach for that favorite sweatshirt.  When these days occurred it seemed to slow us down and give us pause. We would swim less and talk more.  We would talk about the summer, the craziness, the games, the gossip.  Who was still going together, who had broken up and what had made the summer so much fun.  On these days we would sit a little closer and our conversations were a little lower.  We weren't yelling across the pool trying to get someones attention.

These memories are particularly fond because from the age of about 12 to 16  I had the same summer boyfriend.  Meaning, no matter who held my interest during the school year when June 15th came around they were put on hold.  From June 16th through Labor day my interest and heart was held by Dwight. He was my DuPont and I was his Red Girl and from Sunday through Saturday from  noon, when either his mom or his bus dropped him off,  until  6 ,when he was either picked up or had to catch the bus back home we were inseparable.  And when these crisp days would come we would stand in the corner of the deep end for hours talking about our dreams and hopes. We had to be careful though,  if his mom showed up and saw us in that corner there was hell to pay because it did not "look right".  But I can tell you it was probably the most innocent time of my life.

If we were not in that corner in 5' we were on the bench or the wall.  Sitting there wearing my favorite over sized Wildwood sweatshirt with my towel wrapped around my legs we would talk all day long and invariably our conversation always ended with the realization that summer was nearly over;  that in a few weeks we would no longer have the pool.  In the earlier years we vowed that come June 16th it would be the two of us. As we got older we promised we would keep our connection throughout the school year, that we would not let it end with Labor Day.  We promised to take each other to our high school proms and dances and to actually go on dates.  But somehow that never happened.  Our lives by the end of 1972 took different paths.  He went off to college and I became involved with the guy that I would marry and with whom I would have two beautiful children.  And even when our paths would cross again in later years we both came to realize that maybe the magic of our relationship was the carefree summertime and the Nile Swim Club.

I will tell you though no matter where I am when that crisp air blows to the east coast for those few days in mid-August I find myself reminiscing about the Nile, our great summers, the bench and the corner in 5'.  I always find my way back to the conversations and the hopes and dreams we shared and  I hope that he is as happy as I am. I hope that when he feels that crisp air in August  and he realizes that summer is almost over that he thinks about the Nile... and me .... just a little... maybe.

My Biggest Fear? Getting Stopped By The Police.....

The recent police events have brought me back to the BLOG.  For the first time in my life I am honestly afraid to have certain interactions based solely on the color of my skin.  Riots and civil unrest have occurred in these United States of America in almost every decade of every century.  Most notably are those that occurred from the 1940's through the 1960's. Watts, Chicago, Detroit, Philadelphia, Newark, New York City, Rochester NY most occurring during the summer months of July and August.  The majority of these uprisings stemmed from either real or perceived police brutality.  July and August 2014 is no different; in a 4 week period spanning these two months four black men ranging in age from their teens to their 40's have been killed at the hands of police across the country.

Unless you or someone close to you have been violated by the police it is difficult to wrap your mind around how traumatizing the event can be.  Quite frankly although it seems to be open [hunting] season on black men both young and old, no one is excluded.  Black women, Latinos, and white men have also been brutalized, albeit they are more likely to walk away with bruises, remnants of taser effects and handcuff burns where as black men more often leave the scene in a body bag.

The murder of Michael Brown, an unarmed, college bound, clean record (apparently the media found it necessary to try and see if he had "a record") is the 4th murder at the hands of a police officer.  There must be justice.  Let me be perfectly clear... I cannot and will not condone or cosign the community violence.  I believe the riots to be the result of opportunists and not the result of the frustrations experienced by the community as in previous eras.   

I am angry.            

I am outraged.       

I am fearful. 

My biggest fear is getting stopped by the police.  Where do I place my hands, do I look them in the eye or will that be construed as an act of aggression.  Do I remain in my car or do I step out of the car.  Am I allowed to ask "Officer why am I being stopped".  Apparently placing my hands in the air to show that I am not armed and am not being aggressive can be construed as a threat.

When someone throws you on the ground and yells "stop resisting arrest" as you lay dead still do you hope and pray that someone, anyone is capturing this interaction via video.  Do you not protect yourself from the body blows, the kicks, the baton hits, the taser or, do you will yourself  to a lifeless state as your survival may clearly depend on it.  This is not a dramatization, this is what goes through my head.

I fear for my husband, I fear for my sisters my sons and daughters, grandsons and granddaughters,  nieces and nephews and friends.  What interaction is appropriate?  I can now honestly appreciate the bowed head and shuffle of our southern brothers and sisters from earlier eras but we cannot regress we cannot give into to this lunacy.  We cannot allow little people with shiny badges and heavy weapons to take control of our society.

We have to stand straight with chins parallel to the ground.  We have to take a stand against this police state.  We cannot allow ourselves to be subjugated in these United States where our forefathers and mothers shed their blood so we could have a better life.

It is time for us, the law abiding citizens, to close ranks as a society.  Standing shoulder to shoulder we must send the message to out of control police and the administrations that defend them and allow them to murder under the badge that deadly force will not be accepted, it will not be tolerated.  We must send the message to elected officials that they must put a stop to this 21st century lynching process.

It is so out of control that it seems surreal.  This kill and defend mentality must be shut down.  I will not allow my fear to allow this craziness to continue.

Wearing a hoodie - putting your hands in the air ...  is not enough.

Where Is Your Outrage....Put The Double Standard to Bed

Where is your  outrage people... how come there are no facebook campaigns, no change.org petitions no rants, no public figures speaking out calling for change.

You cannot live a double standard. If you are going to be outraged at the senseless killing of Trayvon Martin why aren't you showing the same disdain for three "bored" teens who chose to shoot down a rising start just so they could "see someone die"

Christopher Lane, Australian baseball player, killed by "bored" Okla. teens, police say

Why do we as a people only want to raise a ruckus when we feel the injustice has been done "against" us.  Don't you see the loss of credibility here.  We should be outraged by this action by these 3 teens adding nothing to society but so willing to take away from it.  Let's not make any excuses... i don't give a damn about their upbringing, their hard knocks, their tough times.  They are cowards and lack remorse and human conscience.

So I ask you again. Where is your rage. Why are black folks not demonstrating in the street.  Why aren't we saying we are sick of senseless violence regardless of who carries out the act and who the victims are.  Here is an opportunity for us to stand against violence to push for the swift prosecution of these thugs, to lean out of our windows and shout  "we are mad as hell and we aren't going to take it anymore".  How come we as a people, as a society are okay to say well this is an everyday killing. We get upset when the perpetrator doesn't get arrested. What kind of bullshit is that. I can't wrap my head around it.

Had the above headline read Christopher Lane, white Australian baseball player, killed by three "bored" black teens wanting to see someone die today....  Where would our/your rage be placed... on the fact that they called these perpetrators for what they are or, the crime.

And then there is the story of Delbert Belton...

As the story of Belton's death traveled far from Spokane — an elderly white man, a World War II vet injured in Japan, killed, police said, by two black teenagers — a vocal contingent has speculated that race could be a factor. They echoed a similar contention about a shooting days earlier in Oklahoma, in which three teenagers are accused in the killing of a college baseball player from Australia as he was jogging.

Why did two black teens rob and thn beat an 88 year old man to death. I am sure it probably didn't matter whether this man was black and white, he was an opportunity.  This is what should outrage us that we are not in the press saying find them and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.  These are black teens obviously guilty so let's not get this wrapped up in other arguments about blacks being incarcerated at higher rates etc.  This is about the obvious.
  

Put the double standard to bed and stand up for what is right.  Put the double standard to bed and if you are going to be outraged be outraged consistently and for purpose.

If white folks bring this up in this context we would find racism in it somehow someway.  Come on black folks it is time to grow up and be even handed when addressing this topic.  It cuts both ways.  The fact that the media is "playing it down" and black leaders are not voicing their rage is in its own sense racism.

Can't have it both way people.  Either you are outraged by senseless crime and violence or, you are not.  

Put the double standard to bed.

All Bad Experiences Aren't Because We're Black.... Just Sayin'

So the other day as I was scrolling through Facebook I came across a post which highlighted an article by Denene Millner entitled "Birthing While Black: An Experience I'll Never Forget"1 which peaked my curiosity.  The article was interesting and detailed the author's bad experience from her labor through delivery and even her inpatient post delivery experience. The article chronicled her ill treatment by the nurses and medical staff, the drug testing of her newborn, and the failure to honor her private room  and dinner accommodations.  And, based on the title and the treatment she described this all occurred because she is black.

Ok, so what I am about to write  is not going to be a popular thought but, what if the treatment was not due to the color of her skin but her attitude and how she treated folks.

I had three babies two in the seventies and one in the eighties.  When I had my first baby I had to go through the clinic.  I was employed but had no health insurance. The clinic was for "poor people", it was in a white suburban hospital. It was some of the best care I ever received.  I had toxemia and  my baby was born 2 months premature.  I was in the hospital for about a week and my baby two months.  The nurses were great as were the doctors.  Here I was a 19 year old black girl having this baby and I don't remember anything but kindness and compassion from my mostly white caregivers.   I had the same experience with the delivery of my second and third; by this time I was gainfully employed and had wonderful health insurance which afforded me a private practice and upgraded accommodations.  With my third I was even afforded a private room which my husband was allowed to stay in and we had a private dinner the night before I was discharged. 

Later I had the complete joy of actively participating in the births of all 5 of my grand-children.  They were born in private, community and city hospitals.  The caregivers were black and white. With the exception of one doctor who started out a bit rude and later came around, all of the interactions were good and all of the experiences memorable...in a good way.  Most recently I actively participated in the birth of my first great grand baby.  My grand-daughter is currently on Medicaid as her employer does not offer insurance (so looking forward to Health Care Reform effective this October 2013) so, she went through the Medicaid Clinic.  The treatment in the clinic was not great.  They treated her poorly, they were rude and condescending and when I attended her visits with her they treated me the same way. They were black as are we. The hospital experience however was very different.  The nursing staff, the anesthesiologist, the delivery doctor and the pediatrician were great.  They came from every race - Black, White, Indian and Hispanic.  They were responsive, they were professional and they treated my grand-daughter with respect.  I was very observant during her 20 hours of labor and this is what I noticed.  My grand-daughter engaged the staff, she was respectful when speaking with them. She said please and thank you and even apologized when she thought she was calling too often.  When one young nurse came in to check her and asked her how she was feeling and was taking her vitals my grand-daughter looked at her and asked "how are you feeling... you have been here as long as I have".  The nurse looked at her with surprise and responded "I am good and, thank you for asking".   The same was true when she was taken to her room, which was not private.  She asked the staff their names and addressed them by name. Again she engaged with the staff, thanked them when they responded to her questions and when they offered assistance.  The staff loved her... they told me every time I met one in the room or hallway that she was a great patient. They loaded her with all kinds of things from heating packets to extra formula for the baby. When she was discharged she went to the nurses station and thanked them.  You see this was the way she was raised.  We have a strong respect for caregivers as we have many in our family.

Oh one more thing, she delivered in a city hospital and her insurance was listed as Medicaid she is twenty years old and black, they did not test her baby for drugs.

So all of this to say.  Maybe the treatment the author of the referenced article received was not due to the color of her skin.  Maybe it had to do with how she interacted with the staff.  Maybe her approach with  the staff was as if they were there to wait on her and serve her instead of providing medical care.  Maybe she didn't say thank you or please.  As small as these things seem when you treat people poorly you sometimes get the same in return.

I feel bad that she had a bad experience  when the birth of her baby should have been one of the happiest days of her life.  But we can't always assume that we are treated badly because of the color of our skin. Maybe sometimes our behavior has something to do with it.

Just sayin'...


1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/denene-millner/african-american-birth-story-hospital_b_1231247.html

My Most Defining Year - 1980

What was so significant about 1980? I turned 25. I had already lived a quarter of a century about 22% of my life completed. And, where was I. Not where I wanted to be that is for sure. I was in the middle of a bad marriage with 2 small children. I had dropped out of college and was working as a clerk. My friends were moving right along. They were becoming doctors, lawyers, and teachers and, I was being left behind. I can't ever remember crying as hard or as long as I did that year. I cried for a full year or so it seems. And then one morning in November I woke up and decided I was not going to settle for this. I was better than this. I also recognized that no one was going to change anything for me, I was going to have to do it myself. So, I made a plan. A 25 year plan. I know it sounds crazy really, who makes a 25 year plan? Either someone with a lot of time on their hand or, someone truly unhappy with where they are in their life. I was the latter. I woke up that morning vowing that I was going to live the next 25 years pursuing my dreams and doing those things that I wanted to do. I knew I was capable I just had to take action.

So, I made the list, not a bucket list but a must do list. It started with things like, get out of my bad marriage, stop having a job and start a career, get my college degree and learn to control my temper. This list went on, I set my short term goals and my long term goals. Everything was doable but it was going to require commitment, focus and yes even sacrafice.

Somethings were taken out of my hands, like the bad marriage. First husband was out of the picture and the change lifted so much off my shoulders. It was kind of like God said "let's see if you are really serious, I'll remove this hurdle and see what you do with it". Well it was like I could see sunlight for the first time (in about 10 years) and the change translated to my attitude.  I  focused on myself, my family and starting a career.

I learned to channel my anger which was really frustration to more positive energy.  I returned to school. Community College at first, then Temple... I ended up completing my degree at Widener University. I met someone, we had a child and then we married and blended our family.  He is a great support and the ability to continue my plan was because of the support he provided. I earned a Bachelor's in Business Administration.  In the meantime things were progressing at work. Promotions came with more responsibility.  I had the opportunity to participate in major projects.  I developed good credibility and things moved nicely.  This was two major milestones in my plan the marriage and third child were a bonus.  The time frame for accomplishing these milestones spanned about 10 years.  As far as the family goes I wanted to make sure that my girls enjoyed their childhood, that they had self confidence and strong self esteem.  All three have grown to be confident and accomplished young women of whom I am very proud. Another milestone met.  By this time I was a vice president  in my company.  Additional milestone checked off.

Then the strangest thing happened... I turned 50 and I had accomplished all of the things I had laid out, my project was done.  And, I was now lost, I was floundering... what do I do no now. Suffice to say I did not lay out another 25 year plan but I did return to school for my master's degree earning a Master of Jurisprudence in Health Law from Widener Law School. My new plan was that  I decided to take life as it comes and no longer live by  a regimented plan.  Trust me the plan surely served its purpose, it kept me focused and on track.

Since then I retired from my company, I became a consultant and then joined another company.  I am now a COO for a company in New Mexico where I live by the way.

Again, the plan was great but what I now realize that sometimes plans can also be limiting.  I know that I let opportunities pass  because I did not want to lose momentum or direction.

So the moral of this story ...  Pay attention to your defining moments, create a plan and always have a plan b but don't limit yourself by what you laid out 20-25 years ago.  Live each day to the fullest.  Work hard, Play harder and love with a passion that can't be matched.

And never  put an end date on your plan always assume there is another phase.

The Weight of it All

Ever since I heard the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case there has been a heaviness weighing on me which is almost  inexplicable.

I have never had an event not directly related to me or my family affect me this way.  I have read the commentary, listened to the comments and the rhetoric and it was one article written by a 16 year old Jmar Reid  that asked the question that hit home.  Jmar asked "fight or flight" does it work for me. And for the first time in my 57 years I realized i do not feel safe.  I do not feel should harm come to me or a family member or friend that justice would be served. If the jury identifies with you or the victim you may stand a chance at having justice served but if you have the misfortune of being a person of color those chances are slimmer and slimmer.

The full realization that someone could follow me or my children or my grandchildren, and decide in their own (sick)  mind that we are a threat and shoot us dead in the street and it would be okay scares me. In reality they don't even have to be following me, maybe they don't feel safe because I walked into their store just before closing or, maybe it is just the two of us on the elevator or in a parking lot and they feel threatened.  Right now I feel like they could shoot me and it would be okay because 6 women in the state of Florida decided that stalking and taunting or groundless fears for ones safety are grounds for a murderer to claim self defense and shoot an unarmed kid or maybe a woman or maybe an old man.  Such a verdict gives free reign to those that did not carry through on their thoughts and desires to shoot first and lie later only because they feared the law or, the justice system.  Six women decided that if you are the only one left standing with no clear witnesses then you can get away with murder. But I think this only works if the person left standing is white.

There are statements and assumptions and personal biases that juror B37 made and asserted in a publicized interview that make me sick to my stomach every time I hear them... White witnesses are credible, black witnesses are not.  She identifies with the murderer calling him by his first name and states "his (the murder's) heart was in the right place".  What the hell does that mean his heart was in the right place. The right place to do what contrive a situation that would allow him to shoot an unarmed kid. She went on to state that "he got ahead of himself"  doesn't that sound like murder without malice and, isn't murder without malice the second piece of criteria needed - after a dead victim- to convict someone of manslaughter.  It just makes me so angry that this juror now sums up her reasoning to be more or less, "that boy" her reference to Trayvon, is dead and nothing can bring him back so, why mess up this man's life. After all he is an upstanding white man who has only shot a black kid.  And oh,   they (Rachel and Trayvon's ) are products of their environment and can't help what they are.  The murderer is from decent people...  Mind you Trayvon's father and fiancé lived in the same neighborhood as the murderer... so what environment.

I am just so frustrated and there is so much inside of me. It irks me that at this point in time folks want to ignore the fact that racism is rampant in this country.  That justice is served based on the color of your skin and not the facts of your crime.  I have to ask,  like Jmar Reid, what is the worth of a black boy or black man's life in this country.  What is the worth of a Black Person in America...

This will be continued.

1.  http://tv.msnbc.com/2013/07/19/a-16-year-old-asks-just-how-worthless-is-a-kids-life/)