Where Is Your Outrage....Put The Double Standard to Bed

Where is your  outrage people... how come there are no facebook campaigns, no change.org petitions no rants, no public figures speaking out calling for change.

You cannot live a double standard. If you are going to be outraged at the senseless killing of Trayvon Martin why aren't you showing the same disdain for three "bored" teens who chose to shoot down a rising start just so they could "see someone die"

Christopher Lane, Australian baseball player, killed by "bored" Okla. teens, police say

Why do we as a people only want to raise a ruckus when we feel the injustice has been done "against" us.  Don't you see the loss of credibility here.  We should be outraged by this action by these 3 teens adding nothing to society but so willing to take away from it.  Let's not make any excuses... i don't give a damn about their upbringing, their hard knocks, their tough times.  They are cowards and lack remorse and human conscience.

So I ask you again. Where is your rage. Why are black folks not demonstrating in the street.  Why aren't we saying we are sick of senseless violence regardless of who carries out the act and who the victims are.  Here is an opportunity for us to stand against violence to push for the swift prosecution of these thugs, to lean out of our windows and shout  "we are mad as hell and we aren't going to take it anymore".  How come we as a people, as a society are okay to say well this is an everyday killing. We get upset when the perpetrator doesn't get arrested. What kind of bullshit is that. I can't wrap my head around it.

Had the above headline read Christopher Lane, white Australian baseball player, killed by three "bored" black teens wanting to see someone die today....  Where would our/your rage be placed... on the fact that they called these perpetrators for what they are or, the crime.

And then there is the story of Delbert Belton...

As the story of Belton's death traveled far from Spokane — an elderly white man, a World War II vet injured in Japan, killed, police said, by two black teenagers — a vocal contingent has speculated that race could be a factor. They echoed a similar contention about a shooting days earlier in Oklahoma, in which three teenagers are accused in the killing of a college baseball player from Australia as he was jogging.

Why did two black teens rob and thn beat an 88 year old man to death. I am sure it probably didn't matter whether this man was black and white, he was an opportunity.  This is what should outrage us that we are not in the press saying find them and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.  These are black teens obviously guilty so let's not get this wrapped up in other arguments about blacks being incarcerated at higher rates etc.  This is about the obvious.
  

Put the double standard to bed and stand up for what is right.  Put the double standard to bed and if you are going to be outraged be outraged consistently and for purpose.

If white folks bring this up in this context we would find racism in it somehow someway.  Come on black folks it is time to grow up and be even handed when addressing this topic.  It cuts both ways.  The fact that the media is "playing it down" and black leaders are not voicing their rage is in its own sense racism.

Can't have it both way people.  Either you are outraged by senseless crime and violence or, you are not.  

Put the double standard to bed.

All Bad Experiences Aren't Because We're Black.... Just Sayin'

So the other day as I was scrolling through Facebook I came across a post which highlighted an article by Denene Millner entitled "Birthing While Black: An Experience I'll Never Forget"1 which peaked my curiosity.  The article was interesting and detailed the author's bad experience from her labor through delivery and even her inpatient post delivery experience. The article chronicled her ill treatment by the nurses and medical staff, the drug testing of her newborn, and the failure to honor her private room  and dinner accommodations.  And, based on the title and the treatment she described this all occurred because she is black.

Ok, so what I am about to write  is not going to be a popular thought but, what if the treatment was not due to the color of her skin but her attitude and how she treated folks.

I had three babies two in the seventies and one in the eighties.  When I had my first baby I had to go through the clinic.  I was employed but had no health insurance. The clinic was for "poor people", it was in a white suburban hospital. It was some of the best care I ever received.  I had toxemia and  my baby was born 2 months premature.  I was in the hospital for about a week and my baby two months.  The nurses were great as were the doctors.  Here I was a 19 year old black girl having this baby and I don't remember anything but kindness and compassion from my mostly white caregivers.   I had the same experience with the delivery of my second and third; by this time I was gainfully employed and had wonderful health insurance which afforded me a private practice and upgraded accommodations.  With my third I was even afforded a private room which my husband was allowed to stay in and we had a private dinner the night before I was discharged. 

Later I had the complete joy of actively participating in the births of all 5 of my grand-children.  They were born in private, community and city hospitals.  The caregivers were black and white. With the exception of one doctor who started out a bit rude and later came around, all of the interactions were good and all of the experiences memorable...in a good way.  Most recently I actively participated in the birth of my first great grand baby.  My grand-daughter is currently on Medicaid as her employer does not offer insurance (so looking forward to Health Care Reform effective this October 2013) so, she went through the Medicaid Clinic.  The treatment in the clinic was not great.  They treated her poorly, they were rude and condescending and when I attended her visits with her they treated me the same way. They were black as are we. The hospital experience however was very different.  The nursing staff, the anesthesiologist, the delivery doctor and the pediatrician were great.  They came from every race - Black, White, Indian and Hispanic.  They were responsive, they were professional and they treated my grand-daughter with respect.  I was very observant during her 20 hours of labor and this is what I noticed.  My grand-daughter engaged the staff, she was respectful when speaking with them. She said please and thank you and even apologized when she thought she was calling too often.  When one young nurse came in to check her and asked her how she was feeling and was taking her vitals my grand-daughter looked at her and asked "how are you feeling... you have been here as long as I have".  The nurse looked at her with surprise and responded "I am good and, thank you for asking".   The same was true when she was taken to her room, which was not private.  She asked the staff their names and addressed them by name. Again she engaged with the staff, thanked them when they responded to her questions and when they offered assistance.  The staff loved her... they told me every time I met one in the room or hallway that she was a great patient. They loaded her with all kinds of things from heating packets to extra formula for the baby. When she was discharged she went to the nurses station and thanked them.  You see this was the way she was raised.  We have a strong respect for caregivers as we have many in our family.

Oh one more thing, she delivered in a city hospital and her insurance was listed as Medicaid she is twenty years old and black, they did not test her baby for drugs.

So all of this to say.  Maybe the treatment the author of the referenced article received was not due to the color of her skin.  Maybe it had to do with how she interacted with the staff.  Maybe her approach with  the staff was as if they were there to wait on her and serve her instead of providing medical care.  Maybe she didn't say thank you or please.  As small as these things seem when you treat people poorly you sometimes get the same in return.

I feel bad that she had a bad experience  when the birth of her baby should have been one of the happiest days of her life.  But we can't always assume that we are treated badly because of the color of our skin. Maybe sometimes our behavior has something to do with it.

Just sayin'...


1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/denene-millner/african-american-birth-story-hospital_b_1231247.html

My Most Defining Year - 1980

What was so significant about 1980? I turned 25. I had already lived a quarter of a century about 22% of my life completed. And, where was I. Not where I wanted to be that is for sure. I was in the middle of a bad marriage with 2 small children. I had dropped out of college and was working as a clerk. My friends were moving right along. They were becoming doctors, lawyers, and teachers and, I was being left behind. I can't ever remember crying as hard or as long as I did that year. I cried for a full year or so it seems. And then one morning in November I woke up and decided I was not going to settle for this. I was better than this. I also recognized that no one was going to change anything for me, I was going to have to do it myself. So, I made a plan. A 25 year plan. I know it sounds crazy really, who makes a 25 year plan? Either someone with a lot of time on their hand or, someone truly unhappy with where they are in their life. I was the latter. I woke up that morning vowing that I was going to live the next 25 years pursuing my dreams and doing those things that I wanted to do. I knew I was capable I just had to take action.

So, I made the list, not a bucket list but a must do list. It started with things like, get out of my bad marriage, stop having a job and start a career, get my college degree and learn to control my temper. This list went on, I set my short term goals and my long term goals. Everything was doable but it was going to require commitment, focus and yes even sacrafice.

Somethings were taken out of my hands, like the bad marriage. First husband was out of the picture and the change lifted so much off my shoulders. It was kind of like God said "let's see if you are really serious, I'll remove this hurdle and see what you do with it". Well it was like I could see sunlight for the first time (in about 10 years) and the change translated to my attitude.  I  focused on myself, my family and starting a career.

I learned to channel my anger which was really frustration to more positive energy.  I returned to school. Community College at first, then Temple... I ended up completing my degree at Widener University. I met someone, we had a child and then we married and blended our family.  He is a great support and the ability to continue my plan was because of the support he provided. I earned a Bachelor's in Business Administration.  In the meantime things were progressing at work. Promotions came with more responsibility.  I had the opportunity to participate in major projects.  I developed good credibility and things moved nicely.  This was two major milestones in my plan the marriage and third child were a bonus.  The time frame for accomplishing these milestones spanned about 10 years.  As far as the family goes I wanted to make sure that my girls enjoyed their childhood, that they had self confidence and strong self esteem.  All three have grown to be confident and accomplished young women of whom I am very proud. Another milestone met.  By this time I was a vice president  in my company.  Additional milestone checked off.

Then the strangest thing happened... I turned 50 and I had accomplished all of the things I had laid out, my project was done.  And, I was now lost, I was floundering... what do I do no now. Suffice to say I did not lay out another 25 year plan but I did return to school for my master's degree earning a Master of Jurisprudence in Health Law from Widener Law School. My new plan was that  I decided to take life as it comes and no longer live by  a regimented plan.  Trust me the plan surely served its purpose, it kept me focused and on track.

Since then I retired from my company, I became a consultant and then joined another company.  I am now a COO for a company in New Mexico where I live by the way.

Again, the plan was great but what I now realize that sometimes plans can also be limiting.  I know that I let opportunities pass  because I did not want to lose momentum or direction.

So the moral of this story ...  Pay attention to your defining moments, create a plan and always have a plan b but don't limit yourself by what you laid out 20-25 years ago.  Live each day to the fullest.  Work hard, Play harder and love with a passion that can't be matched.

And never  put an end date on your plan always assume there is another phase.